I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
barbara walters just said penis...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
