that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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