I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
