I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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