what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
