You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Randomize
