my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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