ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
