well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
