i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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