dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
