im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
