grandma shit on top of the toilet
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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