Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
the raccoons are back...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
