Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
