Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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