you guys were way drunker than both of me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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