Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
