FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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