dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
