so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
