Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
