Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
