Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
