He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
