If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
