This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
