dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
