I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
