You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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