The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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