i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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