You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
