you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
there is glitter all over my balls
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