dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
