just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I wish there were birth control emojis
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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