My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
