its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
God, I missed his penis.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
