bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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