What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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