drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
