Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
