Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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