he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
