Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
