i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
