I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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