So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
