Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
