saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
