I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
