she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
