If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
