Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
