..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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